And i did shave my head. And it was glorious. At first, my hair did not want to sacrifice itself for the greater good, but after a small amount of coaxing, i convinced the hair that it was a choice that would instill a feeling of hope and a feeling of cold if i forget my hat. Also, once my hair saw the flashy red clippers, that was a deal maker.
Hair+Clippers=Bald Jeremy
On a serious note, I wanted to talk a little tonight about fear. A lot of people are afraid of a lot of different things. I have known people who were afraid of cats, dogs, fire, death, hispanics, whites, blacks, clowns, chuck e cheese, zombies, mummies, and health food.
I wanted to bare my soul a little and tell you readers what i am afraid of. There are several things that frighten me. I seem to be on a roll with my top 5 lists this weekend, so i will talk about the five things that freak me out, starting with the least scary.
1. Hidden Nuts
I am by no means being dirty here. I am talking about nuts in the sense of peanuts, walnuts, cashews, almonds, etc. People ridicule me because i can't eat anything that contains nuts that are concealed. This started when i ate my first Snickers bar so many years ago. I wasnt aware that they contained peanuts (no, i was not living under a rock, i was just mis-informed) and when i took my first bite and felt those hard peanuts instead of chewy nougat, i almost gagged. Since then, i have not been able to eat any candy bars with nuts, brownies or cookies with nuts, or anything else without nuts that might be hidden under a rouse of chocolate or any other delicious thing. But i love nuts by themselves. my favorite candy bar is a salted nut roll, as the peanuts are on the outside, and not the inside. figure that one out.
2a. Not being liked by others.
My life is a conundrum. I dont care what others think of me, but at the same time, i need people to like me. I hate when i am viewed as a jerk or an a-hole, even if it is by people that i dont care about. I go out of my way to be respectful to people who couldnt even care less if i walked outside and got hit by a bus. But still, i have this fear that people wont like me if i dont make them.
2b. Not being good enough
I love Lisa with all of my being. I just dont know what she sees in me. At times, i am the most difficult person to be around and sometimes just downright mean. My brother Jared (platonic, not biological) once told me that my best quality is also my worst quality and that is that i am the biggest asshole he has ever met. Lisa usually gets the full brunt of that. I am afraid that someday she will realize that she can do so much better for herself and that i am not good enough for her.
3. Making the same mistakes
I just hope that infidelity is not genetic. I would kill myself in a fire before i would ever want to hurt Lisa the way that I saw my mother get hurt. I hate that my mom has had a less than perfect life the last few years. But at the same time, if i could go back and time and fix all of her woes, i wouldnt. She has become a very strong woman and i am proud to call her my mother. She put a roof over my head and i remember one time when she helped me get out of the bathroom after i had been stuck in there for almost 45 minutes. I love my mom.
4. Water/Drowning
I hate the water. I refuse to be in water that would be over my head if i went under. I could think of a dozen other ways i would rather die. Just the idea of my lungs filling up with water and pretty much choking my from the inside out makes me want to never go on a boat again. Sidenote: I have been thinking a lot about death lately. Like "what if i was driving to work and got in an accident and died" or "What if i went to get a pop at kum and go at the wrong time and walked in on a robbery and got shot". Those both would be on my list of a dozen things i would rather have happen than drowning.
And the thing that scares me most:
5. Spiders
Spiders creep me out like crazy. I hate them with a passion and if i never had to see another one again, i would totally be ok with that. I know it isnt macho to be afraid of a bug, but let me stop you there. Spiders are arachnids, not bugs. I once heard that each year, the average human being swallows about 7 spiders in their sleep. I told that fun fact to someone and they told me it was an urban legend. I told them it wasnt, coughed up a spider that i had swallowed the night before, and spit it at them. The guy was convinced. I had to buy him a new shirt, but at least he knew i was right about the spiders. i hate spiders and thats all.
So those things scare me.
also, this post is useless without pics, so here is one for the ol nightmares:
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